Happeeeeeee

I wanted to say I'm sorry for all the things I've done,
For the way I treated you, I hate the person I've become,
But I feared that no one would ever hold my hand,
So I turned cold and distant on the inside,
I would run and I would hide,
I hope you can forgive me and understand.

For all the whining that drove you up the wall,
I understand why you hardly talk to me at all,
I miss hearing your voice that comforts me when I'm crying,
The voice that tells me to go on,
The one I'd miss if you were gone,
Without it, I'm the one who is dying.

You gave me chances but I misused them all,
But you were still the one to catch me when I fall,
I was misguided, so now you know,
I thought I was in heaven once but I could not tell,
That what I thought was heaven was actually hell,
Thanks for helping me to grow.

im truly sorry

I wanted to say I'm sorry for all the things I've done,
For the way I treated you, I hate the person I've become,
But I feared that no one would ever hold my hand,
So I turned cold and distant on the inside,
I would run and I would hide,
I hope you can forgive me and understand.

For all the whining that drove you up the wall,
I understand why you hardly talk to me at all,
I miss hearing your voice that comforts me when I'm crying,
The voice that tells me to go on,
The one I'd miss if you were gone,
Without it, I'm the one who is dying.

You gave me chances but I misused them all,
But you were still the one to catch me when I fall,
I was misguided, so now you know,
I thought I was in heaven once but I could not tell,
That what I thought was heaven was actually hell,
Thanks for helping me to grow.

im truly sorry

Everyone says,
"Are you okay?"
Everyone says,
"I care."
Everyone says,
"Do you need help?"
Everyone says,
"I'm there."
I appreciate it, really, I do.
Thanks for all your help.
But you should just forget it;
Go on and save yourself.
I'm not worth your precious tears,
Cuz I've been dying, now, for years.
I cannot mend what's been broke.
Slowly, you begin to choke
On your words of help and healing.
Because I've finally lost all feeling.
I'm numb now and I'll be fine.
The numbness will help and draw the line.
I always say,
"I am okay."
I always say,
"I don't care."
I always say,
"I don't need help."
I always say,
"I'll always be here."
I'm a terrible liar

Ive been writing these lines for far too long
The pages fill but they dont help fix what is wrong
Tell me love what is there left to say
The time that we could have just fades away

If you're looking for the best Jay, you know that just isnt me
Im nothing more that a sorrow covered in romantic fantasy
Im sorry for not being all the things you want me to be
Im sorry that the best I can give you is to just be me

So find me an answer and Ill give you all my time
So give me a love song and I'll tell you everything is fine
Fade to black with the intent of all the things you never meant to say
Fade to gray with the regrets of what you have let get away

Do the mountains sing for you or are they silent still
I dont understand the reasons and I guess I never will
You find me in the pool of my empty tears
You leave me in a room comforted only by my fears

And now the dawn is breaking and the night goes by
Somewhere in this time I find that I dont have the will to cry
So take from me those last things that I have left to spare
Then take a little more til I forget that I used to care

If you are happy then why dont you just turn away
Take from me this forever and those words you used to say
And leave me with this shadow that only you and I will ever see
Leave me with the scars of the way you used to "Love" me.

Your lies cut and they hurt

They fooled and mislead

Because of your lies I am still bleeding

While in my mind im still pleading

For what you said to be true

For what you promised me, that you will still follow through

Its because of your lies that I am Dead

Inside and out

Because of your lies you caused me so much anguish and sorrow

But in the end your fallacies were gone by tomorrow

You told me you would never let me go

You told me that I had that special glow

You told me you loved me, that you cared and were infatuated

With your mesmerizing words I became saturated

You told me things would get better

You even wrote me many a love letter

But you lied and in the end you left

You were gone without a care

Unnoticing that I was still bleeding from the wound in which you tore out my heart

Its still beating for you for your made up dreams

While inside the rest of me everything is full of hate filled screams

Every drop of blood I spill is one for you, one for you malevolence

With each cut I am closer to death and farther from you

Inside of me I still think i love you

But there is still that small shred of hope that you will return and that it will all be true

While in reality I know that it will never be that we are forever through

You lies weren’t like that of the average persons made up contortions

Yours were almost true, the seemed so real so tangible

But in the end the were fake, vile, and decieaving

You are a liar and misleading

I wish for the day when I can truly say I hate you

But that day I fear will not come

For when you ripped my still beating heart from my chest

It still had emotions for you unlike the rest

So to this day, this very day my heart is still beating

Forever remaining, forever needing

Forever Pleading

You hear the grass is greener
And that the sky is never cloudy
When it rains it it falls peacefully
But yet you must stay here
Trust me it will be worth it
The scars all down your arm
Each to mark your past
You try to forget
But there always there
Haunting your nightmares
You can never close your eyes
So why not add onto them?
That's exactly what your thinking
So sadly thats what you do
Night after night your just crying
Deeper and deeper you cut
Trying to disguise the pain
By now you were hoping to be numb
Hoping you would stop feeling
From the years of betrayal
But you never did
You wanna pull out your heart
And give it away
You no longer want it
You slit your wrists
To bleed out the shame
Breathing in deeply
But can't kill the pain
It gets to be too much
You think no one will love you
You don't think you'll make it through
But please listen to me
I know it will get better
Each breakdown only makes you stonger
Even when you feel weaker
You'll make it through, there is a light
Just stick around a bit longer
And you will learn
You can be loved
Some people do care
Don't forget your past
Just look forward to the future
And you will make it through and through

When I said goodbye to you
On the night the rain fell
Some things went unspoken
I know that even you could tell
After so long of holding the torture in
And just letting you push me about 
I'm only just sixteen
Isn't it ok to sometimes go out?
I'm trying to forget you
I'm trying to stand tall
But even my knife is failing me
For I no longer use it at all
Time has told it's story
But the second I hung up the phone
Another chapter opened up
No more sleepless nights
Wondering if you want me at all
The pages flip by
As the days turn
I'm done with my knife
And wanting to die
I guess tomorrow I'll try to forget you
But tonight I'll give in and remember
When you ask if I'm ok
It's just a reminder that I'm not
But tonight I will remember
Tonight I will cry
Tomorrow I'll forget
And try to live my life
I will sleep tonight thinking of you
And how we used to be
Tomorrow I will forget and be fine
But tonight,
I will remember

I sit here thinking of all that you have done...
Thinking of death and all the pain you have caused everyone.
The razor pressed to my skin, sliding side to side.
I wish the last time i cut, i would have died.
Why do you have to hurt me so?
Why can't you just take the pain and go?
You've know me for so long....
You know my strength and weaknesses, you know that i am not strong.
The razor no longer hurts, it takes away the pain.
This razor is the only thing that keeps me sane.
Some people call me crazy, some people say there's something wrong with my head.
But it all sounds familiar....
Because that's what you have said.
If you no longer love me,
Then take my tears,heart,and pain and let me be to rest in hell for all ETERNITY.

It keeps thumping on at me,
Desperate to come out,
All the feelings have been locked away,
Eager to be let out,
This pain isnt coming out
Its trapped inside of me, Forever,
not leaving me alone,
Its an everlasting pain,
Id scream and shout,
But it keeps torturing me,
Tearing me apart,
bit by bit,
Until its too late,
Its all over,
I feel nothing,
Not anymore,
its gone,
all of it has,
I slowly look down at the floor,
I see blood dripping slowly from my wrists,
I gently shut my eyes,
Hoping this wasnt real

Why?
Why is a feeling so pure
so painful?
Why is a feeling so happy
so sad?
Why is it so esy to get
but so hard to get rid of?
Love is pain
like a dagger that cuts it's way
deep into your heart
only to break it apart
to make you feel
like you want to die
like you were just flying
then fell from the sky
you can't stand the sight
of them with someone else
it doesn't feel right
But what can you do?
I wish that I knew
But I don't
so here I am
hanging on this rope
I lost all hope
love is pain
my life is over
only loneliness remains

These times are painful
and they're tearing me down
I'm screaming but I can't make a sound
We went beginning to end
the hearts we tried to mend
I depended on you, you depended on me
too bad you couldn't see
the smile on my face when you looked at me
but the tears when you turned away
yet you wouldn't stay
so i'll stay here waiting in the rain
for a miracle to take place
to say i conquered the pain
that you layed upon me
I'm strong enough
But I'm not strong enough

Another endless night
The moon’s starless sky
Makes darkness seem so right
Lost in the blackness
Struggling all alone
With no relief in sight
I say “I must stay strong”
But my will power is fading
How long will I last before making tempting regrets?
Doing my best to stay sane
But insanity calls me by name
Edging near the blade
I must put this away
But first just a little pain
It makes the rest seem okay
That this darkness isn’t real
That this is only in my head
Maybe one day
I’ll believe what I say
I’m in the dark now
And misery knows my name

Trapped and beaten, broken inside,
these feelings come like the oceans tide,
trapt with sadness, hurt and pain,
my soul stays lonely with nothing to gain,
my heart stays beaten and so bruised,
from all those memories of being used,
but still I go on looking for your love,
knowing you're sent from up above,
you're the one who can take it all away,
you're the one  who can make me smile every day,
you're the one who cares and holds me tight,
you're the one whose there every day and night,
so come take my heart and treat it with care,
try not to break it, it wont always be there.

if i asked you
to look into my eyes
and tell me what you see
what would you say
i bet
you cant see anything
i bet you cant see
through the pain
the sadness
the hurt
all the things that ive been through
are clouded into my eyes
so you cant see it
the pain

Crying over you
was the last thing i wanted to do
letting you see me upset
was my biggest regret
you'll hold it over my head
like i dont already know
i always try to forget
but you just wont let it go
I love you, cant you see
so why do you feel
like you should control me
Love is in your soul
and also in your heart
but where is the love in you?
where does it start?
crying over you
is so upsetting
but I love you so much
which is so depressing.....

 

Was there ever a love so true, a feeling more divine?
There was never a written record of this at any time.
You say your there and always care, I feel this isn't true
For if you were than I'd be joyful, sharing time with you
You have one chance to make this right, just one is all you get
To change your ways and make me stay, and not regret we ever met
Please make it right, and stop this fight, so I can be with you
Cus one more hit or one more strike and i'l know your love aint true

I hate this life
I'm down and I'm living it
I try to make a sound
but no ones hearing it
cause they don't care
but I'm wishing they would
If they saw me for who I was
Maybe they could
I changed and I'm breaking down
In silence I can't make a sound
I'm hurting inside when no one is around
I wanted to die
now i don't know
I was about to cut deep
but dropped the knife
I carried on
but I hate this life

 

Lines on flesh that tell a story
Lines that I have made
Lines that take me back again
Lines that never fade

Cuts that swelled and filled with blood

Cuts that bled my tears
Cuts that whisper, "Come again"
Cuts I’ve made for years

Scars I’ve let heal once or twice
Scars I opened again
Scars as pink and puffy like
Scars that have no end

Moments that are far behind
Moments without guts
Moments I let loose control
Moments when I cut

I always try to do my best,
But I should have just guessed.
That my best isn't as good,
As I know that it should.
No matter how hard I try,
The end result makes me cry.
No matter how much good I do,
It's never good enough for you.
So I am left all alone,
To face everything on my own.
I glance again towards the knife,
But I know it leads only to more strife.
So I just sit all by myself,
Like a single book, on an empty shelf.
Lost are all the things I hold most dear,
And now I'm even losing myself I fear.
Without those few things that I do crave,
There is nothing keeping me from my grave.